Fathers and Becoming a Dad

Fathers and Becoming a Dad

  • Learn as much as you can about pregnancy and childbirth.
  • Be supportive. Use the buddy system to avoid alcohol.
  • Go to prenatal care visits. If you have questions, ask.

Baby makes three. Are you ready?
If you're thinking about getting pregnant soon or sometime in the future, it's important to start making healthy choices now. Having a healthy baby someday begins well before pregnancy. The sooner you start living a healthier lifestyle, the better off you and baby will be!

Make sure you take a multivitamin with folic acid. Try to get to a healthy weight before pregnancy and visit your health care provider for a checkup before pregnancy.

If you're using contraception (also called birth control or family planning) to manage when and how often to get pregnant, learn more about how these methods work and how to stop using them when you’re ready to have a baby.

Before getting pregnant, think about the emotional and lifestyle issues you'll face as a parent. Talk to your partner about the values you share or concerns you both have about starting a family.

Many new parents are surprised by how expensive a baby can be. But if you talk to your partner and plan ahead, these new costs will be easier to manage.

Becoming a dad
As a dad, you're the most important man in your baby's life. Being a dad begins even before your baby is born. The things you do to keep you and your partner healthy before and during pregnancy can help your baby be born healthy and strong.

What can you do to be a part of your partner's pregnancy? Be involved. Learn as much as you can about pregnancy and childbirth. Help your partner stay healthy. Choose healthy foods to eat and do something active with her every day. Quit smoking and don’t drink alcohol or do drugs around her. Understand that there’s a lot going on in her body--she may be moody or tired a lot. These are regular parts of pregnancy. And the end result is your happy, healthy baby!

Most pregnancies are healthy. But sometimes there are complications. Go with your partner to her prenatal care visits. Get to know her health care provider and ask questions if you have them. One way to help protect your partner and your baby is to learn the signs of preterm labor. If your partner has any of the signs, call her provider or take her to the hospital right away.

Most of all, enjoy your partner's pregnancy! It's an exciting time for both of you. Congratulations!

Preterm labor: What dads can do to help
 

Preterm labor is labor that occurs before the 37th completed week of pregnancy. (Most pregnancies last 38-42 weeks; your partner's due date is 40 weeks after the first day of her last menstrual period.) Preterm labor can happen to any woman: In nearly half of all cases, we don't know why a woman delivers prematurely. About 12 percent of births (1 in 8) in the United States are preterm. Babies who are born preterm are at higher risk of needing hospitalization, dying, and having long-term health problems than babies born at the right time. Health problems include cerebral palsy, mental retardation, blindness and chronic lung problems.

Preterm labor may sometimes be slowed or stopped with a combination of medication and rest. More often, birth can be delayed just long enough to transport the woman to a hospital with a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). While the birth is being delayed, the woman receives antibiotics to prevent infection and steroids to help speed up her baby's lung development.

What Dad can do to help
Learn the signs of preterm labor listed below, and encourage your partner to learn them, too.Your partner should call her health care provider or go to the hospital right away if she thinks she is having preterm labor. The signs of preterm labor include:

  • Contractions (the abdomen tightens like a fist) every 10 minutes or more often
  • Change in vaginal discharge (leaking fluid or bleeding from the vagina)
  • Pelvic pressure--the feeling that the baby is pushing down
  • Low, dull backache
  • Cramps that feel like a period
  • Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea

The health care provider may tell your partner to:

  • Come into the office or go to the hospital
  • Stop what she's doing and rest on her left side for one hour
  • Drink 2-3 glasses of water or juice (not coffee or soda)

If the symptoms get worse or do not go away after one hour, your partner should call her health care provider again or go to the hospital. If the symptoms go away, she should relax for the rest of the day. If the symptoms stop but come back, she should call her health care provider again or go to the hospital.

A woman doesn't need to have all the symptoms to have preterm labor. You and your partner should take action even if she has only one.

Other ways to help your partner have a healthy pregnancy:

  • Encourage her to get regular prenatal checkups. If she agrees, go with her to see her health care provider.
  • Remind her to stay away from alcohol and cigarettes.
  • Help her avoid stress (for instance, take care of the children or pitch in with household chores).
  • Keep her health care provider's phone number handy in case of emergency.
  • Learn more about the March of Dimes campaign to reduce preterm birth.

Helping out during pregnancy

Finding out that you are going to be a father can be an exciting and confusing time. You may be asking yourself:
  • How will having a baby change my life?
  • How will I pay for all the things our baby will need?
  • How can I be a good dad?
  • What can I do to help during pregnancy?

Questions like these are normal. Here are seven things you can do to help your partner have a healthy pregnancy:

1.  Go with your partner to her preconception and prenatal visits. The health care provider will need to know your medical history, too. Get to know the people who will be taking care of your partner and baby during the pregnancy.

Before you and your partner visit her health care provider, write down any questions you have and discuss them with her. And don't be afraid to ask those questions during the visit.

During the prenatal visit at the end of the first trimester (months 1–3 of the pregnancy), you can hear the baby's heartbeat.

During the second trimester (months 4–6), go with your partner if she needs an ultrasound (a test that uses sound waves to take a picture of the baby). You'll be able to see your baby's head, arms, hands, legs and feet. You may even find out the sex of your baby. Your baby will start to seem very real to you.

During a third-trimester (months 7–9) prenatal visit, ask the provider how you can help during labor and delivery.

2.   Watch, listen, browse and read. Watch videotapes, listen to audiotapes, check out the Internet, or read books about pregnancy, childbirth and being a parent.

3.   Help plan for the baby. Talk to your partner about what you both want for the baby. Decide where the baby will sleep, and make that part of your home colorful and welcoming for the baby. Go shopping for baby things. If you are worried about not having enough money, here are some tips to help you:

  • Ask family members and friends if you can borrow a crib, changing table, toys and baby clothes. Many people are between kids or don't plan to have any more kids and are glad to let you use their baby things.
  • Check out secondhand and thrift shops. They often have baby furniture, toys and clothes at low prices.
  • Put a small amount of money aside each week to help pay for baby things. Even $10 a week can add up to make things easier once the baby comes.

4.   Go to childbirth education classes with your partner. You will learn how to help your partner during labor and delivery. Ask the doctor, midwife, nurse or local hospital or clinic about childbirth classes near you.

5.   Help your partner stay healthy during pregnancy.

Help her eat lots of different healthy foods. Good choices include whole grain breads, cereal, rice and pasta; skim or low-fat milk, cheese and yogurt; low-fat meat and chicken; and lots of fruits and vegetables. Eating Healthy has helpful information for your partner. And watch what you eat, too! If you eat right, you'll make it easier for her.

Quit smoking. If you smoke, you are blowing out secondhand smoke. This smoke isn't good for your partner or the baby. It can hurt the baby when it's inside your partner's uterus and after birth. Also, pregnant women who smoke are more likely to have babies born too small and too soon. If you both smoke or even if one of you smokes, now is a great time to quit. Get help from your provider or groups such as the American Cancer Society. 

Help her stay away from alcohol. It's best for women not to drink any alcohol during pregnancy because it can cause birth defects. Help your partner stay away from beer, wine, wine coolers, liquor and mixed drinks. You can help by giving her healthy juices and water to drink or by making fun nonalcoholic drinks together. If your partner drinks a lot of alcohol and can't stop, get help for her.
Help her stay away from street drugs. Illegal drugs can hurt your baby. Get help for your partner if she uses illegal drugs. If you use illegal drugs, stop now for your baby's sake.

Talk to her about drugs and herbal products. Some prescription drugs and over-the-counter medicines can hurt your baby. Your partner should tell her health care provider about any medicines she is taking. She also should check with her provider before taking any new medicine. The provider can make sure that any prescription or over-the-counter medicine your partner is taking is safe for the baby. 

Help your partner stay away from dangerous household products. Keep paint, paint thinner, solvents and pesticides away from your partner. Don't let her empty a cat's litter box.

Encourage her to exercise. Exercise is a great thing you can do together. Walking is easy and cheap, and it can be done almost anywhere. Exercise has more information. Check with your partner's health care provider to find out the safest kinds of exercise you can do together.

Help your partner get rest and lower her stress. Letting your partner rest when she needs to is good for her and the baby. You can help by cleaning up, shopping for groceries and making meals. Take a nap or cuddle together. Talking together about your hopes and plans for the baby can help lower stress.

Understand the changes that are a normal part of pregnancy. Pregnancy causes many changes in a woman's body. You may find that your partner is happy one minute and sad the next. These fast changes in feelings are called mood swings and are common during pregnancy. Your partner also may be tired a lot of the time. That's because it's hard work to carry a new and growing life inside of her body.

6.   Have sex if you and your partner want to.  Your partner may want to have more sex or less sex than before she was pregnant. Her desire for sex may change as her body changes. Many people find that sex feels different during pregnancy. As her belly gets bigger, try different positions. Find one that's comfortable for both of you. Talk to each other about what feels good. Remember, as long as your health care provider says it's okay, it's safe to have sex during pregnancy. It won't hurt the baby.

To avoid sexually transmitted infections, have sex with only one person who doesn't have any other sexual partners and/or use a condom when having sex. Discuss HIV testing for you and your partner with your health care provider.

7.   Support your partner's decision to breastfeed. Breastmilk is the best food for your baby. It has everything that your baby needs to grow and be healthy. Find out about breastfeeding together. Talk to your doctor, midwife or nurse about breastfeeding.